all creation waits

It's easy to live in Guatemala and become disheartened by the brokenness that almost smothers. Roads that swallow cars, dogs that never get fed, children that die from preventable illnesses, police and judicial systems that look out for their own interests...and that just touches the surface.
Dads who are abusing the little girls in their adobe huts, women who work themselves to literal death by the ripe old age of 35, children who are trying to sell trinkets for money that will go for Dad's alcohol binge while the child is suffering from malnutrition, disabled people crawling around in their own feces looking for a helping hand.
It quickly becomes too much to carry.

"All creation waits with eager longing... and not only the creation, but we ourselves...groan inwardly while we wait for adoption"

Me: "God. Guatemala is broken...I can't fix it."
God: "Don. You're broken as well."
Me: "Yeah, but I'm doing okay."
God: "Really?"
God: "What are the things that make you happy?"
Me: "Heather. My kids. My little hobbies. We just got pregnant... that's cool! Internet. Fantasy Baseball. My new facebook account. Missionaries here who love us. Lot's of things."
God: "And if they all went away?"

You know how Paul lived? You know that guy who wrote Romans?

King: "Paul, I'm going to kill you."
Paul: "Great! I am longing for home. I eagerly await for my adoption."
King: "Well...then I am going to hurt you."
Paul: "Great! My present sufferings don't compare to the glory to come. And besides I get to go to heaven, if, in fact I suffer with Him." (Romans 8:17)
King: "Well, okay then. You're free to go, I guess. I can't do anything to mess you up."
Paul: "Great! Then I will keep preaching Christ crucified to all who will believe."

I think Paul thought we would all live like this...in-between worlds. Untying ourselves from the things we use to medicate our longings (family, hobbies, work, money, success, athletics, haircuts and new clothes, etc.) and yet not fully realizing the things that will fulfill us completely; that is...being home with Him.
Being home with Him.

I can have Him now, but not fully. The Bible tells us the Holy Spirit is a first-fruit of more to come, a deposit so that we trust and hope for more.

I think I'm just as broken and hopeless as Guatemala. I just think I see the suffering more here and less in myself because I do a better job of medicating my suffering. But when I let go of things...like Paul. I feel the pain. I feel the loss. I feel hopeless that this world has anything to offer me.

And then my hope sharpens for the next life. My body aches for a Christ who will literally hold me. My whole being longs for the day when He will take me home...
my real home.

Living between worlds. Cutting the wires of addiction. Freeing ourselves from the things that sustain us. And then looking to God for the rest.

Me: "God, I think I did it. I'm hurting. Can you take care of this pain?"
God: "Yes"
Me: "Now?"
God: "Not all...no"
Me: "I don't think I can do this. I can't wait to be with You in heaven."
God: "Now you get it. I can't wait to fully be with you as well." (I Corinthians 13:12)